Tract 2: Praying the "F" Word

Praying the “F” Word

By Jonathan Barker

Have you ever felt that if people knew the “real” you they would no longer want to know you?  Is there anyone who knows your life story?  Does it feel like life is a never-ending game of putting on different masks?

When I was in high school my parents were constantly worried about their own problems—they tried their best to be there for my brother and I but their own lives were very stressful.  My friends in high school knew me pretty good freshman year but then at the begging of sophomore year they all got girlfriends.  By the end of high school nobody knew what it was like to be inside my head—nobody knew how much pain I felt.

After high school a girl named Elizabeth took the time to know my story.  She also felt alone and abandoned in the world.  Elizabeth had a solution though.  She would write her prayers to God and tell him how she was feeling and all sorts of other things.

This seemed weird—I thought prayers were things you did before basketball games or tests or maybe when someone was in the hospital.  But, it seemed to work for Elizabeth so I gave it a try.  I wrote a little and then decided to write this to God, “All I can say is that I’m fucked.”  At the time I had just learned I had failed Calculus for the semester.  To my great surprise and relief God did not drop me dead on the spot.

I hadn’t read the Bible too much at that time in my life but if I had I would have known that God hears groans, shrieks, and all sorts of desperate prayers.

When the Israelites are in slavery under the Egyptians and are being hard pressed all they can do is let their groans and cries for help rise up to God—and God hears them (Exodus 2:23-25).

The Psalmist, stocked by death, asks God, “How long, O Lord?  Will you forget me forever?” (Psalm 13:1).

And Jesus on the cross cries out to God, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Mark 15:34).  Despite this prayer God still decides to raise Jesus from the dead on the third day (Mark 16:1-8).

Elizabeth would eventually end up with a boyfriend—unfortunately not me—and no longer have much time for my story.  But fortunately God’s steadfast love endures forever.

Suggestion:  If you want to follow Elizabeth’s example and write God a prayer the back of this page is blank.