Reflections from August—Part 6: “Shit Tester” or Encourager?

In August, a large reason why I was talking to girls was because I was able to conjure up the voice of my younger brother Justin.  He is a master of humor and also “shit testing” girls.  Further, when we are together he is always cheering me on, “go talk to her.”  Sometimes, even when he is not around I still feel his prodding.

One night I clocked in at work and the very first thing I noticed was the girl who was about to leave was drinking out of a big gulp.  In a moment of inspiration I could hear Justin’s voice, “pick the cup up and tell her she is going to get fat drinking all of that soda.”  To my shock I followed my brother’s advice.

Now, before trying this at home, it is key to know that this girl has a retinue of male followers.  If she was actually fat this would obviously be cruel—but she’s gorgeous.

I nailed the act—slowly grabbed the cup, looked at it, and with enough sarcasm and playfulness delivered my line perfectly.  And for those of you who understand contemporary social dynamics you will already know what happened next—weeks and weeks of her trying to validate (prove she is not fat) to me.  It was a performance that would have even made my brother proud.

Over the next several weeks we would actually get to know each other.  She told me, and I observed, that most guys at the gym would say hostile things to her (this is known as a “shit test”).  In fact, collectively we were so predictable, that she would often launch a “shit test” first strike on herself when she saw me coming in.  She did admit that she often did the same to guys.

Interestingly, the effect of all this was that I’m pretty sure she doesn’t know how pretty she is. 

This is terribly ironic.  When she first started at the gym guys would literally tell me hour-long ballads recounting thirty-second conversations with her.  I’ve actually never met a girl who gets more attention.  And yet, she doesn’t know she is pretty.

I started to feel bad about the big gulp line.  I started to wonder if a whole generation was bound to express admiration through hostility—that seemed pretty messed up.

There is a character in the Bible named Barnabas.  His name means “Son of Encouragement,” and in the Book of Acts he encourages a lot of people that otherwise would be on the outside.

I wish I could be like him—a person of encouragement—not discouragement.